Boys sexuality

The Oluwadamilola Abe network,Thoan organised a summit on raising:Beaming, Obliging, Youthful, Savvy(BOYS) via Facebook on 4th and 5th July 2020.
I was in attendance and i learnt some lessons from the speakers, though i did remote listening as  networks were sometimes epileptic considering Nigerian data network and i also had other engagements during the period but i learnt some lessons from the speakers atleast the ones i listened to  did justice to those topics as given.

One of such was Ogunlade Temitope.
According to him, two pillars will help understand boys on self control of their sexual urges. *Perception and perspective*

Perception: What a boy should know. *When we begin to know ourself we destroy ourself*
*Perspective* addresses how the boy child should see what he is experiencing.

At puberty, early puberty between ages 11 to 13, boys develop psychologically and bodily with signs like deeper voice, private part enlargement and its change to darker colour, bigger scrotum etc. He experiences wet dreams and probably ejaculates when asleep. At this point, he also develops  emotions towards the opposite gender depending on his temperaments while some are overtly expressed, others are not. If all these are not properly handled, then unexplained mood swing, low self esteem takes over channeling the emotional feelings wrongly. Some even get depressed  and aggressive. These emotional feelings are mostly misinterpreted as love as they express it towards an available female.

The school of relativism states that, what's good for you may not be good for me based on perspective. However for a boy to have a proper perspective on his sexual urge, he has to recognise the place of God as there is no mastery and there can't  be a mastery of sexual urge without perspective. Now, perspective is telling him how he was(created) made to experience this, before the wrong things are put in his consciousness as the perspective must be gotten properly and rightly to help these boys.For example a boy who says or who has been made to believe that sex is food and Food is sex,and so he must get food whenever he wants food has such a wrong perspective and may not have a good marriage or home.

👌Observation: Boys have been left to decipher life for themselves for ages, you hardly see Church or secular programmes educating boys on their sexuality, such programmes are mostly for girls, too bad though. 😃.


👭👭Can we Guess where these boys learn?


From their friends who are also limited in knowledge as they are in the same category.

Second source is Tv,📺 movies where fantasies are preached and so they find crushes and infatuate.

Third source are books and magazines of Biology 💻📒📒📒where they learn technicalities not emotional solutions of any kind. It tells them what the scrotum does but not when or how to control it when the urge comes.

📱💻The fourth source is Pornography.This even destroy marriages and its a wrong source to learn sexuality. Boys who engage in such even undress girls in their imaginations.They are everywhere,especially this age that people earn from porn sites and from sexual perversions.


The fifth source is sexual experiment leading to incestuous acts,rape,etc.

The truth is hard but the truth is, the solution is only in God. As without that you fail.

American society has done so much to control urges but these efforts  are limited and their final conclusions have always been that Christianity and Religion has helped have a grip on sexuality.

*Putting your body under control as you will give account of it after now*

*Some secular options to maintain self control and their shortcomings.*


American Researchers say finding another addiction can help overcome sexual urge. Some are, Alcoholism and workaholism
.
Another is Masturbation. Its even more harmful.

Another is Fulfilling your desires by visiting prostitutes and brothels. Meaning you are not starving your desires but feeding it, doing yourself more harms considering the outcomes of such action and there may be no stopping.

Also abstinence from Pornography.

Counselling and Therapy. Talking to experts and opening up for help. In this regard, emotion is stronger than knowledge. Who knows what the counselor is also battling.

Medications like Anti estrogen, antidepressants, mood stabiliser etc, this can also lead to addiction.

The only solution is a Godly perspective. Begin to register it in their consciousness when thet are very young. For as many boys that are caught in the web already, they can /should seek God intimately and personally not just attending church or participating in Church activities. He can help instill needed self control.

Such boys should be disciplined to study books that help instill self control like the Bible.

Watch out against sexual urge triggers. Observe and be intentional about it. Starve the urge, do not feed it, so it does not develop.

Surround yourself with like minds.

Spend time to pray.

Talk of your urges and crushes with people of like mind who will help you not to fall into the urge who also have mastery so as to gain mastery.

Sexual education is good but its not enough without God.

Feeling really loved is not obsession and with every gift comes a responsibility. Your sexuality is one of such responsibilities as God gave responsibility for sex to be enjoyed under the umbrella of marriage.

Teach boys early that its wrong and wicked to see girls as sex object. Let them understand its violation against God's law. Also let them know that boys/men, who have engaged in rape have been jailed as it is punishable under the law of most  countries of the world. Even the Bible in Deut 32:25 gives its penalty as death.

Tell them its wrong not to have control over their sexual urge.

"Let them understand that they should not be at the mercy of their emotions rather they should use it well, enjoy it positively and dominate it.". Vincent Van Gogh here.

Teach boys that God has made resources  for help and they must own up to this help. The detrimental effect for negative usage of boys sexuality are countless on the society: contracting SDIs, increased abortion, unplanned pregnancy, mood swing, depression, productivity reduction, attention deficit disorder, aggression, rape, daydreaming and undressing girls in classes on their mind etc.

*Your sexuality is your responsibility. Be responsible*

*Compiled by an attendee*.
Shade Odumuyiwa
(2020).